The Heartbender (2008)

Quite often I run out of words during moments
Of sanity preserving outbursts. They don't seem to
Dance their ballet in my head which they usually do,
And at such times when the need to express is more
Than the drive to exist. Most often its a choky feeling
At the base of my throat coupled with involuntary and 
Painful spasms. Sometimes it spreads downward while
My head slumps down or backwards as heavy as a sin.
Eyes sometimes start pouring out like an acid factory
While I feel the fumes burning the lashes. The tongue
Becomes a dam standing in the way of a thousand rivers
Aching to dash out of a cave. At times the words break
Themselves up and intermingle with others to form
Meaningless series of anti-phonetic symbols. I remain
Tongue tied while my vocal chords burst with 
An anticipation for a release or a desperate prayer. 
Such emotions I cannot articulate which are to be
Understood and responded to but never uttered. Yet,
These days we have to do so, else its us who
Are gonna lose. Lose the dying cause, at least it is one.
Lose the sense of reason, but it is a sense. Lose the
Anatomy of desertion, at least it is a structure. They
Will not visit or come by when you stand a pauper;
Tongue tied, psychotic and paranoid, thinking about
What else can you lose and behold! You are ready to
do so. For its like a disease this habit of losing and giving.
I do not know how to exist in any other way but this. Then
Why don't I accept this vice of self-drainage and be at peace?
For you are a heart-bender, pumping it into life and then
Kicking it with pride. I was empty but you composed quartrets
Out of each beat that my heart skipped. You gave it meaning
And bottomless poetry. And when I read them out aloud
In a fit of ecstasy, you stitch my mouth and seal my tongue
Like a head-hunters prize. The heart beats still but the poetry?
Thats mute and sullen losing its rhythm. Will you ever know?
Will you ever miss? Will you never say? For you are
A heart-bender resolute. Swinging away and back again to me
While your center is a stable point. I wish we were like two arms
Of a compass. Fixed at a common point though stretched afar. 
That would have given Donne's valediction a consequence. 
Bend my heart my heart-bender but breath into me. 
Buy my sanity with your wealth of convenience 
But feel my skipped beats and make poetry. For you are meant
To grow in lyrics and freedom while I in you as a shade.
But let me yield, let me look up and let me breathe. Unstitch
My lips, raise me up and raise yourself. I will give you a heart
To bend but let me feel you- the heartbender!